| But, Alack, That Monster Envy... |
[Oct. 27th, 2002|06:51 am] |
But, Alack, That Monster Envy...
I was reading through some articles about the EU, and I stumbled across this one, which didn't really surprise me, but it did bother me. Why does Europe pan-handle us so much? Why hate and envy us when we have been perfectly willing to help them build their own self-sufficiency, so they wouldn't need codependent relationships like the EU? The Europeans could have a lot more than they do now. My circle of European acquaintances is too limited to be representative of all European views, but the way I see it, Europe has at least some competent citizens in it, which is about as many as America has: some. There's no real reason that Europe couldn't keep up with us.
I think this public whining about the U.S. "unilateralism" is all a load of rubbish - an attempt to divert the responsibility they have to themselves and our relationship with them by pointing at us and making us the bad guys. The U.S. feels a bit like the self-made entrepreneur of blue-collar roots who married a beautiful, well-spoken aristocratic Europe, only to find out later that she has a severe drinking problem and a predilection for adultery. At this point we're seriously thinking about divorce, but we'd really prefer if Europe would sober up, keep her legs closed and get a job, because we truly do love her and divorces are so ugly.
But, it's all turned out to be one big joke on us. Like the NATO "alliance", which has proved to be a humiliatingly useless farce (for us anyway) with the sole exception of the British, who seem to be holding their end of it out of some kind of weird passive-aggressive guilt. To their minds, if Tony wasn't currently possessed by puppetmasters from the Planet Washington, they would be able to sip their tea and sneer at us in peace. Not that my British friends are saying this - they aren't, because the people are always more sensible than their government and media - but, if the UK papers are any indication, America doesn't love them anymore. According to the rest of Europe, we're cold, neglectful spouses who hardly notice them at all lately, since we're always at work or watching television.
But these are the manipulative, self-deluded rantings of an adulterer trying desperately to displace their guilt. Oh, if only we paid more attention to Europe, the Czechs and Slavs wouldn't have had to get in bed with Iraq, and maybe France would start speaking to us again. And well, if the U.S. thinks for one minute that it can just walk out on NATO, then they'll haul us into the ICC and try to take us for all we're worth. Yes, we're supposed to just give Europe the technology we developed with our defense budget even though after 9-11, Europe largely pretended that she never made those NATO vows. Since Europe has been a lazy, selfish bitch these past years, she has no way to make it in the world without us and now she wants alimony.
Look, Europe, we love you. We admire and respect the beautiful collection of people and history you are underneath the spoiled conceit - in truth, we aspire to be as elegant and refined as you are on your best days. And yes, we do listen to you and we care about what you think (well...except for The Guardian), when you aren't nagging us. But, you just can't keep squandering all your resources on addictions like socialism and these outrageous "globalized" economic policies (Feta cheese sanctions? What were you thinking?), then expect us to keep bailing you out. What about the children - Belgium, Denmark? - what will happen to them when Germany craters the Euro? And for goodness sake, will you please stop flirting with the terrorists? We're sorry about the IRA - that was a mistake - but, would you really rather be married to Saddam? When was he ever there for you? We were always there - don't you remember?
We do. |
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